Ken Barkway looks ahead to the new season and muses on who will be Chelsea’s challengers for the title…
So here we sit a little past half way through the silly season which is the transfer window, and yet only a matter of days before the dawning of a new season and the defence of the league title. There are much more detailed and much better season previews out there – I can heartily recommend the Season Preview from ‘We Ain’t Got No History’ – pages and pages great stuff and all in a good cause. But just for the mischief of it let us consider the transfer window and the impact it might have on the title race. Incidentally the title hasn’t been retained since 2009, since our double season the Manchester clubs have nicely shared the pot alternately until returning it to its rightful home in SW6 this year. The press have already marked clubs transfer dealings before a ball has been kicked, but under closer examination it looks like little has changed at all.
So firstly the Champions – not much movement, to the consternation of many, but Jose maintains that this squad has more to give and will need to find improvement from within.
Didier is off to the MLS to earn the final payday of once great players that the New World offers. Felipe Luis has returned back from whence he came. And Petr Cech off to the latte sipping, selfie abusers of North London, the less said the better about that one. In response Falcao and Begovic have come in as like for like replacements, we are just awaiting a replacement left back who’ll be happy watching Azpi playing in his position. Falcao is the imponderable here. He’s looked pretty sharp preseason and confident in belting home penalties on the US tour. Let’s hope he finds his Atletico Madrid form, if he does it could prove a very sharp piece of business.
Just about every player interested in a new, improved contract has been associated with the club. I challenged no less a man than Martin Lipton as to the source of the endless stream of frankly preposterous conjecture relating to “Chelsea targets”, given the taciturn nature of the Chelsea hierarchy, his response was that “it came from somewhere”.
I can now reveal that every national paper has invested in a small whirring machine which helps while away the fallow summer weeks with nonsense; ladies and gentlemen I give you the Random Bullshit Generator.
Clearly the replacements for the departed players were born of necessity – I think most of us would like to see a little more strength in depth and perhaps some tactical flexibility in order to make a sustained assault on both the domestic silverware and also in Europe. In the following few weeks there may be additions to the squad but they are unlikely to be blockbuster deals that will materially strengthen the existing squad. We can but dream.
Manchester City have been title favourites for the past few seasons and that seems to weigh quite heavily on their shoulders, their defensive frailties haven’t been addressed and their once enviable cadre of world class forwards has been severely depleted over the summer, leaving only the mercurial but injury prone Kun (with a silent “t”) Aguero and the neither proven nor settled Bony as their options.
However, they have brought in Raheem “runs like a girl chasing a bus whilst carrying a handbag” Sterling for a tidy sum (inclusive of the 100% Englishman tax) and another home grown Fabian Delph as pretty much a direct replacement for the versatile James Milner.
They also continue to be led by the, let’s face it, hapless Pelligrini. They’ll still challenge but it’s really hard to see them reaching the summit as they haven’t addressed any of the glaring needs that became apparent over the course of last season and have also lost some depth.
On the other side of Manchester it’s been a different story they’ve been spending money like they stole it on a quite strange and eclectic 
bunch of players, the headline grabber being the once world class but latterly injury plagued Bastian Schweinsteiger (yes the “Bitte, Bitte, Schweini” guy), who if he can find his best form for a couple of years could prove to be a great piece of business. Elsewhere they have shored up the defensive midfield to protect the central defensive chuckle brothers with the acquisition of solid French international Morgan Schneiderlin along with prospects at the back and the front with Darmian and Depay respectively. They have offloaded donkey in boots and perennial Hodgson favourite Tom Cleverley and rid themselves of permanently offside Dutch irritant van Persie (wonder if his teenage self jumped at Fenerbahce?).
If the Random Bullshit Generator is to be believed they are also attempting to woo either Ronaldo or Bale to the red side of Manchester. In fact the RBG has thrown up most of the Real Madrid squad which is unlikely even given the plausibility of an FSW instigated stampede from Bernabeu.
They should find a little more consistency but still look to be a little short of a serious challenge. It remains hard to be convinced that LVG is at the helm of a happy ship though, so let’s see if the turkey necked miscreant can make something out of these disparate parts or whether there will be a loud implosion.
Arsenal – they’ve won a treble before the season has even started and have decided that they are the team to beat. Good. As ever they look a decent side at full strength on a good surface when the sun is shining. It remains to be seen whether they can move from flattering to deceive in months that do not contain an “r” to maintaining a credible title challenge over a whole season. The only significant addition to their squad is a helmeted Czech call Cech who is obviously something of an unknown quantity to Chelsea fans (“Bitte, Bitte, Schweini”). The other caveat as always with Arsenal is injuries. They will have lots of them and mostly long term. Wilshere has already got his in early.
Liverpool – no not really. Next year will be their year. It’s never this year. Hilariously the good people of Fenway Sports Group have 
entrusted David Brent with a lot of money in the transfer market. Last season everyone prayed for two things to happen at Anfield: firstly for Brent to stay and secondly for him to be entrusted with the transfer budget. Both have happened – there is a God – there’s your proof Richard Dawkins.
Spurs. Er No just no. No higher than fifth and no thanks.
So there you have it. In relative terms it looks as if little has changed. The season looks like it will hinge on the vagaries of fitness and form once again. Let the games commence and hopefully push the Random Bullshit Generator back into the storeroom until at least January.
The only note of caution is that every pundit has picked Chelsea to retain the title. Let’s hope so. Have a happy season and remember WOLUTB
Ken Barkway
Follow Ken on twitter: @KenBarkway
